I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
