To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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