She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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