remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
