At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
