I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
