I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
