i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
