I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
