I hate your face
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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