I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You did what with his pubic hair?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
