I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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