i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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