Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
