I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
