my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
