Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
