suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
