the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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