my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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