i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
