I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
