is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
