u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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