New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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