Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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