"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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