What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
