Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
