dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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