Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
