there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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