The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
