There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
