Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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