Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
