I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
