i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
