ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
