the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
