I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
