Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize