we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
