I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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