We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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