I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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