ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
