Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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