I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
