There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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